Turtle Talk

From the Onion:

Texas’ New Textbooks

Because of a belief that academia skews too far to the left, the Texas Board of Education voted 10 to 5 in favor of buying history and social studies textbooks that adhere to a more conservative ideology. Here are some of the changes they are mandating:

• Inserting paragraph clarifying that the poor guy Rosa Parks wouldn’t give up her seat for was on crutches and really needed to give his dogs a rest; also, he later died
• More focus on civic issues, particularly the separation of church and infidel
• Discussion of the debate between liberal and conservative geologists about what constitutes an “igneous” rock
• Tamping down traditional pro-Stalin stance
• Special ethnic world history appendix
• Expanded section on Latino contribution to American landscaping
• Dividing number of Vietnamese civilian casualties by two due to their small stature
• Christopher Columbus was for lower taxes but all the Native Americans he encountered wanted to do was spend, spend, spend