The Onion

The Onion: “Not Sure How They Deal With Criminals In Your Town, But ’Round Here We Use A Restorative Justice Process”

Matthew L.M. Fletcher

Here.

The Onion: “Supreme Court Overturns ‘Right v. Wrong’”

Matthew L.M. Fletcher

Here.

Miigwetch to AYR for the hot tip.

The Onion: “Governors Call On Gretchen Whitmer To Shut Down Their States So Residents Won’t Get Mad At Them”

Matthew L.M. Fletcher

Here.

The Onion: “EPA To Drop ‘E,’ ‘P’ From Name”

Matthew L.M. Fletcher

Here.

The Onion: “Supreme Court Justices Gather In Chambers To Receive Latest Mission From Large Talking Head Of Justice John Marshall”

Matthew L.M. Fletcher

Here.

An excerpt, quoting Chief Justice Marshall: “Remember: The fate of federal shipping regulation depends upon you!”

Onion: Justice Alito Sent Down to Minors

Matthew L.M. Fletcher

Here is “Struggling Justice Alito Sent Down To Lower Federal Court.”

Previously, the Court unveiled its spring line: “Supreme Court Debuts New Spaghetti Strap Sun-Robes For Spring.”

Onion: “Bizarre Sci-Fi Novel Posits World Where Natives Inhabited America Before Europeans”

Matthew L.M. Fletcher

Here.

The Onion: Ninth Circuit Judge Reinhardt Cancels Christmas

Matthew L.M. Fletcher

Here.

The Onion: Clarence Thomas Gets to Decide Who Can Get Married

Matthew L.M. Fletcher

Here.

Onion: Native American Realtor Doesn’t Believe in Job

Matthew L.M. Fletcher

Here.

It’s hit and miss, but the best line is that sales have been slow at his office.